Why I Write

What’s This About?

As writers/ self-publishers/ marketers/ promoters/ dream-chasers, I’m sure that you’ve heard of something called finding your why. It’s advice that I see getting tossed around a lot and that it kind of hits home for me.

Even if you aren’t a writer reading my blog, why do you do what you do? Why do you get up in the morning? It’s important because your why is why you bother to roll out of bed and do the same daily grind everyday even when you don’t feel like it, you’re feeling under the weather, or when life is throwing hell and eagles at you.

Why do I write?

Let me share something with you. For those of you unfamiliar with the old site that I had, I left it for quite a while. And the reason for that was…

I had a dangerous scare.

You see at the time I was still a university student and I was going through a bit of a rough time. I’d been diagnosed with both depression and social anxiety disorder and nothing seemed to be going well. My writing was suffering. Most days I could barely crank out a page. Some days I could barely crank out a sentence. Sometimes I couldn’t even get out a word. 

A little word! Ridiculous right? But that was me. I’d been questioning why I was even on the planet. What was the point of being here if no one cared and my existence didn’t make a difference?

But what saved me and ironically nearly killed me were these.

pills-picture

I know what you’re probably thinking… Allergy meds? And yes. Allergy meds. And you can kinda guess where I’m going with this.

I overdosed.

Not on purpose, mind you. But I did have a lot of different types of allergy medication because my allergies were just Satan-spawn. And they were so bad that I could barely breathe. But what I didn’t have all of the time were the directions. My mom would often keep the box or the bottle and just hand me what I was supposed to take, so you can imagine that is a recipe for disaster. Because some are 1 pill ever 24hrs, some 2 every 8hrs, some 1 every 6hrs, some 1 every 4hrs.

And needless to say, one morning while I was studying for a quiz in the library, I found myself inexplicably cold, shivering, and vomiting uncontrollably. I rushed back home to my dorm, scared for my life, no idea what to do, and praying really hard that I wouldn’t die from taking too many of those alley pills.

And that was the moment that I really startled myself and realized that despite my suicidal thoughts at the time, I didn’t want to die.

Because if I died, then my books wouldn’t make it out into the world. I couldn’t stomach the thought of passing on without the stories in me being told, or without all of the art in me being seen by the world and being successful. There were places I wanted to travel to: South Korea, Vietnam, China, Japan, Venice, etc. And if I would’ve died then on my dorm bed, it would be game over for all of that.

And that my friends, is my why. I can’t imagine putting off writing for even a day now, because of that incident. When you are confronted with the possibility, even a small one, that you might not be around anymore, that there might not be a tomorrow for you, then (pardon my French) but you will get your sh*t together.

But there is another good outcome that came out of all of this: my allergies went bye-bye after that. I’m still not sure how that happened, but I sure am grateful to be without them. And I’m grateful that I can write and work on my books everyday.

Now granted, your why doesn’t need to have a dramatic backstory or be a world-reaching dream. But at the very least know it. Because if you have no why, then when disaster strikes, or things don’t go your way, then there isn’t much to stop you from giving up as the going gets rough.

But I’ve already ranted on enough. See you next post, ya crazies!

 

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